Contrary to how hectic my April is going, my February and March went overwhelmingly empty. Without any pressure, rush hours, deadlines, exams, worries and employment. This is my take on how I think it went. Okay, so I saw two choices when I quit my job in January.

• to react from a place of disadvantage as I was losing my earning source. and
• to use this as an opportunity to explore other sides of me; probably my interests that I was unable to fully tap into for the pressure, rush hours, deadlines, exams, worries and employment.

I will start discussing number two first. Because I love this option and hate the other one. I love when people are able to make time for themselves. I love the concept of time and people. And when both of them are together, it’s one of the best things in the world. Back in January, before quitting my dream job, that’s what made me excited about losing money, about being unemployed. I got the headspace to think, to love, to breathe. That was a unique feeling. I felt relief but also guilt. I was happy but also nostalgia made me sad. It was the excitement of uncertainty but also the fear of the certains. In short, I was enjoying being a mess. I was fantasizing a big life reset. So, I set my first action plan to travel. Here’s how I planned my life as a small “traveler enthusiast.” After quitting my 9-5 job, I will travel my country; every week I will know one beautiful district, its heritage, its people, its history. The plan started to fall apart when I realized travelling requires money which I don’t have saved enough. My next plan was to focus on something I feel connected to, music. I have always wished I could sing and play at least one musical instrument. So, I planned to learn playing Ukulele. It was fun. I learned to play 3 of my favourite songs. But soon, that too went in vein when a string broke and I procrastinated its fix. My last resort was to write. Now, I am not a good writer; probably a very mediocre one but I somehow felt writing doesn’t judge. You do not have to be a philosopher to convey your perceptions beautifully. May be I am understating the art of “writing” but how can it be more important to write beautiful words than writing meaningful words? As usual, I gave it a shot and started documenting my expressions. Didn’t age well as well. I discovered why it needs to be an art and not some text jotted down. I was wrong. Yet, again. My subconscious mind was observing every event; it decided to label me as a failure. And as per the labelling theory, I started to fail more which led me to believe, “I am a failure and I was born to fail.”

I discovered that I was climbing the wrong ladder, I was resetting my life the wrong way. That’s when I realized, you don’t need to delete all the files in order to reset lol. You can keep everything, yet a simple switch off can save you from that feeling of being stuck that I felt before deciding to quit my job. That’s when I realized that I was actually failing from a long ago. The biggest failure, to fail to take the right decision, to evaluate the importance of a good earning source. I started reacting from a place of disadvantage and this is how I went back to the state that I hated; the state of being unemployed with zero income streams on-board.

Based on the ups and downs I went through, mentally, I decided to sketch out my life; my work life, my academic life and the life that no one knows about. After that, I started creating processes that would balance all the scales of my life. Because balance needs to be everywhere. Be it the nature, the universe, people, thoughts, beliefs or just unbroken ukulele strings.