Dear May,

You have a beautiful name. May!

At exact 12, like every day, my train of thoughts started to whistle. I thought about love, I thought about life, I thought about mirrors and my different faces in it; crying, teary eyed, sleepless, fatigued. Today, I smiled at the mirror in excitement. I had a date and it was you, my May, 2022. I am probably too old to get excited about dates, but here we are!

I don't usually wake up this early on weekends. But for you, I wanted to put my best effort. What is more precious than sleep? What is more effortful than leaving the most precious thing?

Won’t lie. It wasn't about sleep, you know? I wanted to look good for you. I wanted to dress well. Everyone knows how low my effort is for dressing up and looking good. But I wanted to work on my flaws. I wanted to be perfect. For you.

I dressed up in blue. May be it's your favourite colour. I don't know it yet. I haven't known you much. But you seem different than other Mays, other summer suns. You give me warmth without burning my skin. May be one day, you will burn my soul. May be one day, I’ll allow it.

It was a breakfast date. You wanted to break the fast with me. Are we fast enough to break the rules? Or, are we moving too fast towards breaking our hearts? The dilemma stays between us and I love its uncertainty. I love the anticipation. I don't know how it results, but I love the mystery in your eyes and my smile. I love the little intentional mistakes and how you push me unintentionally; and I fall.

I am not a romantic person. I never expect anyone to do romantic surprises for me. But you did. My dear May, you gave me the gift of time, the gift of nature, the gift of comfort.

What do you think of me? Am I being immature for going with the flow? Am I being a hypocrite for melting in the heat when I told you I don't melt? Sshh, don't answer. I am far off of my realities now. I am in the moment. I am completely in you, my love. Let me feel the nap I never took, let me feel the dance I never did, let me shed one more tear.

We haven’t hold hands yet, have we? We never hugged. And don't you dare ask me for a kiss as I find it gross. Can we be so close someday that I can surrender myself to you? To hold hands, to hug, to stare, to kiss; but on the forehead please!

Why does my brain stop me every time I think of our closeness? May be because, it is the only string I hold on to while falling and falling too fast may break me. I don't want to fall too fast. I don't want to break myself. I don't want to break you, my summer suburb.

Dear May, I am not romantic, like, at all! But I love flowers and trees and birds. You brought me those. So, how may I appreciate? May I allow myself to be romantic for a day, please? Just for a few moments? Just for you? We will sit in silence. Does sitting in silence seem romantic to you? Sitting in noisy coffee shops is more romantic in my opinion. I don't know.

Hey May, don't end the day too soon. I want it to last until my brain wakes me up, until I can not dream anymore, until I am left in the bus with a tap on my head. I don't want to make mistakes that will hurt us, but I find the mistakes beautiful. Like our dance, the songs we hummed. And your beautiful name. May!