The calendar in front of me on my desk says it's exactly 25 days untill 2024 knocks on the door. 25 seems insignificant compared to 340 days that I have already spent of 2023. The year went fast, I went slow.

January was a month full of dreams. Every day seemed to hold the promise of new beginnings and possibilities. The first 13 days of February went the same. But the second half was rough. It continued in March; and in April and May, I slowly regained the warmth of a happy sun. Spent the month of June, conforming to the ups and downs of life, of mindsets. I was going through a shift in July. A shift of visions, goals, perspectives. I peeled the layers of my aspirations, seeking advice from everyone and that was a mistake. August went by in confusion, the doubts resurfaced. I was asking myself "what am I doing in life!" By September, I left my job and more questions rised. The "what am I doing in life" was constantly drilling through my brain, becoming more powerful with every refresh of my feed. Now that I don't have any work, what am I? Who am I to the universe? To the people I love? It was a state of severe identity crisis. I needed assurance over answers. Even for a brief moment, I needed something to fight my self doubt with - anything that would give a break from an ocean of questions that was drowning me. Contrary to January, every day seemed to end one more possibility, one more dream. As a coping mechanism, I ran away from everything, hiding within my shadows. I was consciously skipping reality in October. Totally lost, totally gone, surrendering to my powerlessness. Then a miracle happened, I cracked a job interview and a random exam with credentials beyond my expectations. This materialistic gain, while seemingly insignificant, became my aid. Yes, it was a tangible validation, but it came as a form of reassurance. I found a few answers in the ashes of October. It was still ashes, still burnt, but the smell was slowly fading away. I was recovering from a year's destruction. An all time low breakdown hit me in the beginning of November as I denied my achievements. I believed it was all luck. Then I remembered how many times I got lucky. It can't be all luck always. I remembered the countless times where "luck" intervened in my life. The opportunities I got, the challenges I overcame, the skills I developed – all of these required not just chance, but dedication and willingness. The doubt was a defense mechanism that prevented me from acknowledging a hundred times where I was capable and I made it. This December, I am practising being strong. Strong enough to get myself out of the prison that I had created, to forgive me for the self sabotaging punishments, to promise new beginnings and possibilities.

Now looking back, I see I was not at all kind this year, whining at every inconvenience, with mountanous expections from the universe. The lack of kindness bred my discontent with life, it led me to destruction. So, my resolution for 2024 is to mindfully practise kindness. I will be kinder to the people I love, to the opportunities I get; I will be kinder to the life I have been granted, to the days of it, to strangers, to summers, to dogs. And I will be kind to myself, without any doubt, any judgement that breaks me apart. I am ready to be kind to the year 2024, and I can't wait to be kind for the rest of my life.