Standing in a minefield of emotions, as I ask myself - are they really gone forever? What to do with the numbness I feel after my favourite series is over and all I can do is to revisit its past episodes. That gut-wrenching, world-ending ache of endless "what ifs," - how to unthink the possibilities? After years of caring for somebody else, it feels selfish to have complete focus on myself. It's awkward to go to the bed at night without any dreams and waking up without a hope. But deep inside, I know it's not the end of the world. It's just a day after storm. The bad weather has passed, and now I wait to gather up the destruction.

While recovering from any loss, we have three choices: there’s the option of investing a lot of emotional energy into trying to reclaim the lost thing, which doesn't work because you cannot "claim" people and I have learned it the hard way. The second option is to close the chapter and move on; the easiest one. The third, the hardest option is to face the loss, go through the pain of heartbreak, and eventually get healed in the hands of time.

Grief is a part of life. As I embark on this painful journey, I know, I must pass all its phases. In the first phase, it's all shock. I have to deal with the feeling of shock which comes with losing something necessary, like air, or gravity, or a home. The shock of a sudden and complete change of your situation, your life, your plans. You no longer have the person you thought you would have for an eternity. It is supposed to be shocking, and like any other shocking event, it will be hard to accept. The shock will last a long time, confusion will drive you insane and nothing in this phase can console you. You will stay in disbelief for days, may be months, possibly years. The key is to let time pass, not try to block out the pain and eventually accept the loss.

Once you've recovered from the shock accepting your reality, in the second phase, your emotions will surface. You will be hit with a number of complex emotions, like- sadness, anger, fear, isolation, anxiety, frustration, hopelessness and regret, all while going to work every day, meeting regular deadlines and expectations, working towards your goals. It's not humanely possible to process so many waves of negative emotions all at once. So, it will break you into pieces. You won't be able to function normally, but know that, it's just another phase of getting yourself healed. The key, again, is to let time pass, not try to block out the emotion and eventually accept your loneliness.

It's the third phase where you start rediscovering yourself as a new person, a wiser one who just faught so many battles at once, who didn't give up on herself. The battles are over and you have survived. This is the phase where you are renewed to live a normal life, with the ones you have left, with yourself. You have started healing from the pain. You are hopeful again, thinking, in what ways you would like to exercise the newly acquired freedom.

I guess I am still in my fighting phase, but it will end. My scars will form a glittering map of the battle fields and I will wear it as a badge of bravery some day. Amidst this reckoning, I know, I will find stardust to heal my wounds. I pray for myself to one day accept that everything happened for a good reason. I wait to see myself healed, I cry to see myself smile, I dream to see myself hope. I know, one day, all of it will come true, as I wait to finally realise how fulfilling it is to let go of stars and how freeing it is to let go of scars.