What do I want to write? Why am I writing on notion? I used to hate this app back in 2021. My previous organization used to use this app for project management and we needed to update everything on notion. I hated that. Talking about my job, I worked in so many roles. I have been working continuously for the past 6 years. 2021 was the year of my graduation. All of a sudden, I was feeling confused.

It was hard for me to decide which career path I want to see my future self in. Trust me, it was hard. It is; still. The more I am growing up, the more I feel like I am in the wrong path. I feel like nothing makes sense. Is it normal?

I love studying what I am studying. But at the same time, I loved my worklife too. I enjoyed planning structures, making SOPs, tracking growth metrics, setting OKRs, researching behaviour, leading teams; I adored my teammates; I loved being busy. I enjoyed working everyday for over 2000 days. That's a lot of work and I did not want to let go of this beautiful experience.

On the other hand, I still remember why I came here to study this major and what my dreams are. I still remember how I used to cry in my prayers to get selected in this major, how I used to roam around Nilkhet to find the perfect books every month and how regorously I searched for work in this field involving myself in every academic opportunity I could get. Nothing came out of the blue. I worked for it. I wanted it.

In mid 2021, I started to feel stuck. I couldn't decide which side of my life I should leave behind. I had never seen my parents (and relatives too) being this much happy the way they were on my graduation. Not even when I got the jobs that helped me earn a living and make me financially independent for 6 years. Simultenously, my previous job tought me to dream big, to work hard and not to settle for less. It tought me how you are able to bring giant changes if you have an idea and you are free from financial worries. It tought me life lessons and patience and productivity and...well...spreadsheets.

Life is supposed to be uncertain; I agree. But how do people decide what to leave behind? How do people know what's right and what's not? How do people let go? I don’t know. I wish humans had multiple lives to live every dream. One to do mistakes. One to fix mistakes. One to just sit under the sky and count the stars.

I think it’s fine to make risky choices. It’s okay if I don’t know where I am heading towards. I don't feel stuck anymore, because I no longer have to fight my thoughts. I decided to leave behind my years of experience in order to pursue my dream and the things I prayed for while crying to the almighty. I don’t know if I am being silly or overconfident or again, a failure. All I wholeheartedly want is a life without regret. And it’s okay. I’ll be okay.